we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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