look no pants
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You took a bar mat shot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
