yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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