That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
