not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
