Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
