I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
