I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
