All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
