stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
