You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
