I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
