she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
