My hand turned me down
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
