He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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