anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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