Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
