ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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