All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
