I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
