My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
