You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
