first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
