the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
