so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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