YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
