well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
its not stalking. its research.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
