I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
