If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
