I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
