How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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