hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
