Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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