If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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