Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
