we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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