wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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