i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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