her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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