I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
