I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
