This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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