He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
