Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
