i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
