i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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