Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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