yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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