Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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