i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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