What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
